Wander
Pet Name: Wander
Owner: Apache
Theme / Type: Normal Panju
Born: June 5, 2011
Gender: Female
MisticPal Name: Significance
MisticPal Age: 4908 Days
Battle Portal Stats
Hit Points: 10 / 10
Strength: 3
Defense: 3
Speed: 8
Intellect: 5
Misticpower: 5
Battles Won: 0
Battles Lost: 0
| Attached Weapons | |
Books Read
Books Read: None
Exotic Foods Eaten
Foods Eaten: 0/1254 [ View Foods ]
If I wander, it's because these
paltry summer days spent lazing in hot, itchy grass,
drive sanity from my mind.
If I wander, leave me be.
Where I go you cannot follow. It is a sacred place.
When I wander, I will go in earnest, but do presume my return.
I will be back, and not too long from now. Please don't fret.
It's just a need, and I'll tell you, a relapse of self, a resetting. I have only gone to live the way I need to live, for that moment and no other moment.
And there are many moments like that.
When I am through, I will find my way back. As surely as the sun rises, I will return.
But don't expect me to stay for long.
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"I have spent too much time waiting. I think, now that we are sick with routine, it is finally time to go."
ID No. 3F
Wander; "to move about without a definite destination or purpose"
observant || sincere || considerate || self-conscious
"The Tracker"
Wander is an excellent tracker with an incredible eye for context. She can read the clues in a scene with exceptional precision and her talent is well coveted among her comrades.
Despite appearing cheerful and enthusiastic, Wander is a pessimist at heart. She is eager to gain the approval of others and puts too much stock in their opinions. She often craves attention and easily feels overlooked, and if she is openly scorned, her self-image drops significantly. Even when she is offered friendship, she tends to inwardly remain distrustful and suspicious.
Yet when Wander is given the chance, she is very happy leading on her own. Independence is her liberator. Above all else she has found this to bring her the most happiness, so much so that she tends to break off from the group every once in a while, disappearing for days at a time.
She is also mute, though no one knows the story. Presumably this came about through the scars left on her neck; there are rumors floating around that she can talk, but just chooses not to. She prefers to communicate through gestures, but if she has to she will scratch words into the ground. If someone trusts her enough to follow her even without an explanation, she will appreciate it more than she could ever say.
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Silent things
wander inside the dreamer
traipsing through desolate gusty places,
until the great watchers come
to liberate them from solitude.
And we will cheer, again silently,
so that we are not seen,
but fret not, we are truly awed,
in our stillness I bid you to see reverence.
-----------~-~-~----------~~-~-~-~~----------~-~-~-----------
I spat and howled and cried. I knew the heavens could not hear me; whether that was true or not remains to be unseen.
Why, I wanted to yell, over and over again I tried, but always nothing came out but hoarse, muffled whispers.
Hate rolled inside me like a thunderhead across the sky. Roaring, oppressive, and consuming. Lightning flickered through me and rain flooded, threatening to drown me. I could hear thunder, louder than anything that could possibly be, but in reality: stillness.
Why was I the one hurt, and the ones who hurt me, free?
This is not how it should be. They should be paralyzed with guilt. They should feel the wrongs that they have done and be crippled by it. They should be the ones racked with sickness and hate.
But I am the only one crippled.
The incredible injustice of it all. It was too much. That they should live such posh lives while I wrestle myself into a pit of despair and nausea. I am almost sick with it.
I want to beat it into them. I want to force them to understand. I imagine telling them, explaining to them what horrors they have brought upon me. I want to explain to the others that have turned against me that they are wrong. That it is they who are truly monsters. And that I am no monster.
But all of these dreams, they end in disappointment. I could rip out my heart and give it to them, and they would never understand. I could cut myself to ribbons, and they would scoff and laugh and only hurt me further. I could perform miracles, but they would never believe me.
They are so steeped in their illusions. They will never see. But still I want to make them.
And after in my mind's eye they deny me understanding, I dream of other things. Of terrible things. I dream of hurting them, making them believe through torment what they could not understand through intelligence.
Those thoughts do not bring me as much comfort as I would like them to.
And in the end, I fall down and simply cry. I can never make them. I can never make them... and still I hurt, so much, always in pain.
Drip, drip, drip. My tears fell steadily to the to ground.
I am in so much pain.
I stepped to the edge of the cliff. I looked down. I thought, I would die quickly, were I to fall.
I stood much longer on the edge of that cliff than I would care to admit.
But, in the end, as always, I remember something that I tend to forget: that in this way they are still in control of me. That by letting myself hurt I am only proving to them my vulnerability. The greatest way to seek vengeance against them would be to be free from hate and bitterness and fear. In that way I could truly prove their insignificance, and by doing that, render the need for vengeance unnecessary.
And for a moment I do just that.
But that feeling does not stay for very long. I fall back into self-pity, and this perpetuates quite easily, because I feel that others criticize and blame me for feeling so disgusting. When I think of those people I feel worse, and worse, and worse.
I worry too much about people. Too much. I feed myself with it and foster pain. I should not let them control me this way.
When I feel that I begin to blame myself, anger rises again, hot and foggy. I should not blame myself for what others have done to me.
And I wonder if I could be happy if I let blame go. Maybe I would not be weighted. Maybe these pains would simply cease to be.
This thought is easily forgotten.
Eventually I gather myself up and trudge back home, temporarily lightened by catharsis.
I will be back, I know, but for now I am almost happy.
~
Wander belongs to Apache.
[To be boxed WinterCursed]
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