~10/08/2022 - 29/04/2023 - 17/08/2024~

~*~

"Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red."
- Kait Rokowski


This is a memorial, though not for a person, but a story, a connection,
a part of a friendship that ended far too soon. And far too cruel.

In August 2022 I got to experience the beautiful wonder that was making a collaborative story with a new friend. That story and its characters took my heart by storm and lived in my head day by day since.

We made art, we wrote stories, we collaborated, collected aesthetics, songs and quotes.
All for our main pairing whom we adored so much.

Their story grew so massive that I knew we could spend many more years developing and refining it.

I cannot ever put into words what this story and pairing meant to us.

But nothing ever lasts, and far too soon my friend had to move on due to the difficulties in their own life. For their own sake they abandoned all we had, and left me to take care of it solely.

And that is why it hurt even more when another year after that, after staying with them and still supporting them, despite my own pain, they chose to abandon me as well. I showed them what their actions caused, and they decided they did not wish to deal with that pain.

I am sad, I am bitter, I am still hurting. And none of their claims of understanding will change that when they repeat their actions regardless. Empty words and broken promises.

It hurts me every day. And yet I will not let go of our darlings. They were the one true good thing to come out of this doomed friendship.

So here I am, the eternal guardian of a story in pieces. Of a song without its melody. Half the soul is gone, and that fact will keep haunting me for all the years that we were meant to spend together. I miss my friend, I miss what we had, but I will no longer chase after someone who does not deem it worth to do the same.

But to our darlings, now my darlings. My beloved Moth and Spider. I will keep loving them, forever. I have to, for I am the last one remaining.


"As long as there is love, there will be grief. The grief of time passing, of life moving on half-finished, of empty spaces that were once bursting with the laughter and energy of people we loved. As long as there is love there will be grief because grief is love's natural continuation. It shows up in the aisles of stores we once frequented, in the whiff of cologne we get two years after they've been gone. Grief is a giant neon sign, protruding through everything, pointing everywhere, broadcasting loudly, "Love was here". In the finer print, quietly, "Love still is".
- Heidi Priebe

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