Over and over I wake up again to a life I know is not meant to be. I search all those years for a way to return, only to fail and die. Even death can't lift this curse from me, as I am reborn over again. So many lifetimes passed, so many lifetimes wasted on me. I do not wish to keep on living this mortal life! Yet even if I end it myself I know I will only wake up yet again in the cold grass. With different skin and nothing more, for I am still mortal. Mortal and immortal at the same time. Yet what are all the years of the universe worth if I can never again reach them? The lights of my heart and soul I have known from the moment the spark of my true life was formed in the endless cosmos. I cannot stand a mortal life, bound to the earth. Only able to see them from so far away, and never reaching them. I cannot live like that! I'd rather that death took me forever than to have to waste another lifetime struggling to find my way back to them. Yet my curse won't grant me this mercy, death cannot save me from my suffering. I will always hear the voices again, pulling me from the serene cold blackness and into new life. And so it starts again, over and over.
Until the day I finally reach the end of my existence,
I will never stop yearning for the stars.
-You shine in your own special way-
***
Once I lay under the grass so cool
Not a sound nor a feeling disturbed me
Where rays could not find me
Neither sun nor moon, there, where I burrowed,
Why won't you let me sleep?
I rested deeply, passing the time
So far from hunger, danger and sorrow
And I began to imagine myself safe
So I lay in the wonderful comforting dress of earth
and dried my tears
So it happened that I forgot what I once was
Only the one from which I never recovered
cannot be removed from my dreams
And the longing lives evermore under the cool grass
to wander among the stars
I fell from the skies, from the sea of night lights
Yes, I fell so deeply and I fell so hard
and I plunged through the blackness
Even if it was forever and forever and still longer ago
I still carry the stars in my heart
There I lay shattered, so naked and so bare
So motionless under the green moss
and my wounds healed
So I lay bedded in your tender lap
forever connected to you
I dreamed of the sky in the night-black refuge
A word never escaped my lips
And yet I begged for forgiveness
And all animals fled the lonely horrible place
As they heard my soul screaming there
Yet it were not the stars in the moonlit night
that call to me with all their power
I don't know where they came from
So I woke in ice-blue, cutting moonlight
and they gave me a name
They washed me, braided flowers in my hair
I tasted the drink that they offered me
The sweet, crimson
They rubbed my body with oil, which they laid out
and carried with them like a corpse
They left me intoxicated with her alone
who had never felt a stranger's hand
And I learned new desire
after that, like the stars, I never touched her again
Have to always pine for her
They tore me away, a crown for adornment
they put upon my head, hunted me like an animal
They hounded me eventually to death
They hit and hacked and all what was left of me
they buried in the ground
Once I lay under the grass so cool
Not a sound nor a feeling disturbed me
Where rays could not find me
Neither sun nor moon, there, where I burrowed,
Why won't you let me sleep?
"Ballade von der Erweckung"
by
ASP