Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 15
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

Ten Foods NOT To Eat
Written By Caustic

All sorts of wonderful and exotic foods can be found in the world of Mistica. Delicious chocolate truffles, beautifully made sushi and freshly baked bread are only a few examples of the delicacies available. Unfortunately, for every dish that makes your mouth water there's one that'll make your - or your pet's - stomach churn. Consider this list a warning of sorts. It's not in any particular order, so don't think something is safe just because it's number ten!

1: Brain Icecream
First of all, I hope I never find out how this...food...was created. Or how anyone got the idea for it. To be honest I just want it to stay far, far away from me - I mean it's a brain on an ice cream cone, for Pandoria's sake! A very tiny brain at that, too...which makes me wonder if it's from some cute, adorable, innocent little creature...but best not to dwell on that...

2: ICU Ice Cube
I suppose whoever named this thought they were being clever, but it's quite disgusting! What would possess our sugar-loving emperon Sebastion to sell such a horrid thing? Is it the eye of his greatest enemy, frozen in time so Sebastion's victory can never fade (as long as no one nearby has a hair dryer)? I suppose we'll never know, but for now, just...stay away from it. If you must buy it, may I suggest playing a Lanturnaucht trick on someone with it?

3: Puppylove
You're probably wondering why this furry, adorable cootie makes it onto this list. Well...how could you possibly eat this little cutie?! Honestly, this should definitely be on your list of what not to eat! It's even got little flowers in its fur and...and...oh it's so precious...!

4: Creepy Orange
If you look at this and think "tasty!" you deserve to have your brain made into ice cream. It's got fangs - more likely it's going to take a chunk out of your jaw when it gets close enough! Why not try some of Gordon's haggis? That'd be much safer to eat.

5: Heart on a Stick
Absolutely nothing can redeem this horrific dish. Nothing. Just looking at it will make anyone vomit...so maybe hospitals can use it on patients who've swallowed something they shouldn't have? I suppose it could also be used as vampire bait, unless you want a sparkly one; in that case make sure you've got a Rabbit Heart on a Stick. Credwurd is a vegetarian, you know.

6: Big Bug Sandwich
Besides running the risk of having this sandwich simply scuttle away from you and hide in a dark corner, never to be found again, there's also a high probability of the ingredients deciding to crawl their way right back up your throat. Thus, this sandwich is both disgusting and a choking hazard - how could you feed it to your beloved pets with that on your conscience?

7: Spicy-Cream Cone
First of all, only celebrated scientists and physicists should be allowed near this freak of nature. There's obviously something horrible going on if this ice cream is eternally on fire! Ignore the sugary sweet smell and step away from the flaming time bomb. Your pets' not-scorched organs will thank you.

8: Cactus Drink
The very innocence of this drink is what makes it so very suspicious. It looks safe...but is it really? After some thorough studies that involved much drinking and tweezing of various cacti thorns out of my tongue, I would have to give a resounding NO to that question! Needles down the throat is nothing your pets want to experience, trust me.

9: Scorpion on a Stick
Just because it's dead and on a stick doesn't mean it should go into your mouth! Whoever is distributing this needs to be reported to Officer Coppa - obviously there's some lazy cooking going on. You can quote how much protein this dish has all you like, but I'd rather not risk getting poison pumped into my bloodstream...I mean this thing still has its stinger!

10: Radioactive Tentacle Soup
Even when we were little, we were taught to recognize danger signs: red means stop, for example. You know that when you're four. So how does anyone get off thinking that a bowl with a biohazard sign on it is safe to eat? That pretty much screams "STAY AWAY", after all - or it should! Nothing that glows and tries to strangle any living thing near it should be eaten. Period.

For your and your pets' safety, stay away from the nasty foods on this list! Officer Coppa is getting quite annoyed at all you silly Misticans shoving tentacles and fire down your throats and would appreciate it if you'd make his job a little easier. After all, he has zombies to hunt down.

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