Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 15
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

Apocalyptic Pets For Dummies
Written By Fallout

First-Aid-

Caring For Your Apocalyptic Pet’s Boo-Boos: The best part about an apocalyptic pet is that they’re already dead. They drink a cup of bleach? They’ll just walk it off. They spontaneously catch on fire? They won’t even notice. Hit by a truck? Scrape them off the underside and they’ll keep on going. Unfortunately with a pet as decayed and rotting as an apocalyptic one, there is some degree of maintenance required to care for them. They’ll be able to walk off most injuries, but will require a bit of help to keep themselves together.

Loss of Body Parts: Should your pet ever lose a limb or other body part, this can be easily remedied with duct tape, staples, and super glue. If the limb has not yet fallen off and you just need a quick fix, you can make a paste by mixing flour and water and use it to seal the cracks. Be aware that your apocalyptic pet can survive after losing part of its body (and in fact a typical pet is already missing one or more parts) and therefore replacement is not required but is recommended for aesthetics.

Choking Hazards: Many apocalyptic pets have an instinctive urge to chew on or eat random objects. This is more common in younger and moderately aged apocalyptic pets as the older ones’ newfound intelligence have caused them to outgrow this habit. Frequently the object in question will get stuck in your pet’s throat. It cannot die from choking (as apocalyptic pets don’t breathe), but it will make an annoying gagging sound for hours on end while it tries to swallow the object. To remove it, you can do one of two things: Have a mandoran sit on it and force the object out (although this may permanently flatten your pet and therefore is not recommended), or reach in there and either pull it out or push it all the way down. It is recommended that you either use a stick to do this or ask someone you don’t like to reach their hand in your zombie’s mouth, especially if he is prone to biting.

Frost Hazards: Remember how cold climates are not recommended? This is because as an undead monstrosity, an apocalyptic pet cannot produce its own body heat. In a cold enough environment, it can freeze up, becoming a corpsesicle. Should your pet somehow come into contact with enough cold to freeze it into solid ice (it’s amazing how many of them somehow get locked inside freezers), immediate thawing is recommended to prevent damage to its already fragile body. Don’t use heat to make it thaw faster as heat can cause damage to your pet as well. Once thawed, your pet will be good as new, if not a little mushier than it was before.

Scavengers: Like all dead things, you may find your pet a frequent meal for buzzards, flies, crows, rats, and other scavengers. One solution is to just carry around a stick with nails in it and beat off anything that tries to eat your pet. Experts recommend coating your pet with that special powder that Kyro puts in his coffee to make it too spicy for the scavengers to eat. Unfortunately you’ll always get that one vulture from the Scarab Desert who’s already used to spicy foods, in which case you might want to carry the stick around anyway just in case.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: Do I need to feed my pet?
A: Apocalyptic pets don’t need to eat to stay alive, but that won’t stop them from trying (see “Choking Hazards” above). Clayton at Spooky Creations can sell you some literal brain food if you wish to reward your pets with a treat. Just make sure not to try the Banana Surprise while you’re there (the surprise is that there’s no banana in it, and he dropped it on the floor).

Q: My pet just bit my [insert relevant pet species here]. What do I do?
A: It all depends on the species of your other pet. Certain species (ex: Lirionox) are as of now resistant to the infection. Unfortunately that does not mean they will always be. The virus may mutate and your previously immune Belragoth will become Godzilla (or…a zombie anyway, you know what I mean). If your pet has previously been genetically shown to be immune, there’s less of a chance that anything will happen to it. If your pet is of one of the breeds shown to be susceptible to infection, congratulations! You have a new zombie! (Note: To anyone who sent this question in, Officer Coppa is on his way to your place with the paddywagon to arrest you for breeding zombies without a permit. Enjoy the last six minutes of freedom you have!)

Q: So what happens if he bit me?
A: Don’t worry, there’s a team of highly trained specialists standing on your front doorstep right now to help you. Just ignore the hazmat suits, S.W.A.T. logos, and sharp, pointy sticks they’re carrying…

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