Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 73
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

A Guide to Boxing Your Pet
Written By Villainess

     How many times have you sat there trying to figure out what to box your newly created pet? Have you ever snagged a great name on an impulse, but afterwards you sit there for days and wonder what that fresh pet is destined to be boxed? Well fear not! We, at the We Know Nothing Party, are here to give you some tips, when picking out a box for your shiny new pet!

First off never choose a box just because you like that theme.

If it doesn’t match the pet’s essence, then a fancy theme will make you and your pet feel incomplete. Choosing a box based on preference alone has been shown to create dissatisfaction and lead to higher pound and/or adopting out rates as studied by the W.K.N.P.

So make sure to pick out a few of your favorite themes and species combinations and set them aside for later consideration.

Now for the difficult part. Before you begin you must first locate a pencil, a clean piece of paper, an eraser, and most importantly: a heavy book. The pencil and paper is to write and sketch out the ideas the pet will present to you. The book is vital. It will be used to bang against your head if that pet doesn’t want to help (or if those artists want to slam it down on the paper. It’s your preference). Got those? Now let’s continue.

Hash out the personality of the pet. Ask yourself if they will be a happy pet or a sad pet, if they will be troubled or have a normal relationship with the people around them, so on and so forth. Once this is done, you can now pick the best theme to box your pet from the themes you had selected.

Here is a basic list of characteristics that fit each theme:

 

Apocalyptic -

Ask yourself the following questions: Do you find your pet is missing body parts? Does a limb seem to have extensive bite marks? Perhaps his favorite food is gummy brains? If so then maybe your pet is telling you it is a zombie.

 

Baby -

No one can deny that your new pet is the baby of the family, but is Baby really the right choice for you? Does your pet throw tantrums when she doesn’t get her way? Does he like to play in mud and soil your furniture? Is that pet over all cute and cuddly? If so then pick of a Baby Pandoria Box today!

 

Inferno -

We all know pets can be a little bit bratty at times, but for those whose pets have a fiery temper when they don’t get their way, Inferno might be the way to go. If you need a little more convincing then asking yourself is [InsertName] (a) self-destructive, (b) passionate, and/or (c) an Aries? If you said yes to two of these, then pick up an inflammable suit with this box today!

 

Oceanic -

Has your pet been garnering attention on her grace and fluidness of her stride? Has he been called the next Merical Phelps? Is she always begging you to go to the beach day and night to show off her newest swimsuit? Maybe you are always finding sand and seaweed in his swimming trunks? If that is the case then maybe you need to get your pet this aquatic box!

 

Overgrowth -

Quiet and delicate are Overgrown pets. Known for his/her serenity and poise, your pet might be considering becoming a nymph of the forest if the following holds true: Is your pet good with others and their pals? Perhaps she is always bothering you to buy from Health Foods, because it’s organic? Has your pet shunned meat? If so then buy this fragile box for her.

WARNING: Just because your pet is now a plant does not mean that they will have a green thumb.

 

Storm -

Perhaps your pet has a temper, but Inferno just doesn’t seem right? Does his temper flash on and off like lightning and as loud as thunder? Maybe your pet is always trying to do something to shock you like dying her tail purple? Perhaps your pet is a little bit unstable? Or maybe you just want to do something nice for her, because she is afraid of the dark? If so then this electrifying box might be for you!

 

Terror -

Children: They are all little terrors.

How many times has your pet been sent home from school after shoving some funny-looking pet’s face in the sandbox? I mean it wasn’t your pet’s fault, certainly! That other owner just doesn’t know how to parent, like you do! Or maybe your pet is a little self-destructive and likes to take her problems out on the less fortunate. Regardless, you have a terror (and a bully) on your hands. So why not box him as one?

 

Voodoo -

Is your pet’s home a mess, littered with dolls or “action figures”? Does your pet always want the newest toy or plushie? Or maybe she is too old for toys and likes to design her own clothing? Perhaps they had recently died, but you have kept their spirit in a jar hoping to give it a new body? The easy solution to all of this: a Voodoo Pandoria Box. What better way to say “Stop spending all my money, you worthless pet!” then to actually spend money on this box?

 

Zodiac -

Even if your pet doesn’t like horoscopes, it doesn’t mean you should rule out Zodiac pets completely. There are several reasons to consider this box: (a) you have an older pet that still hasn’t been boxed, (b) your pet’s favorite toy is the Rainbow Scout Dolls, (c) your pet is a space case, or (d) they are boring you with quantum mechanics. These are the sure tell signs that you need to pick up a Zodiac Box and a telescope!

 

Now that you have some basic characteristics of the boxed pets, I hope that you and your pet can sit down and decide on a box together, because nothing is more important than a properly boxed pet. And if your pet is giving you grief and is impatient then pick up a Shiny Pandoria Box on your way home!

 

~The We Know Nothing Party

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