Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 59
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

So You're Being Eaten by a Belragoth
Written By Fallout

You knew you shouldn't have stolen that treasure you found during your camping trip in the mountains, but you did it anyway. Now the belragoth who was guarding it has found out that his bling is missing and he's come at you for revenge! What do you do now that he's trying to eat you? Do you curl up into the fetal position and cry? Do you flail about like an angry inflatable tube man at the car wash? Do you dump that bottle of hot sauce that you carry around in your pocket for some reason down his gullet? The answer should be none of those, because that will just make him want to eat you faster.

The correct course of action of course would be to just return the treasure that you stole. Give him a few extra monies for the trouble and throw in that nice wedding ring you've been wearing despite the fact that you are not and never have been married. He might forgive you and decide to let you go. If he doesn't forgive you or he just randomly decided to eat you even though you never actually stole something from him, proceed to the next instruction.

While he's eating you, curl up into a tight little ball. Then when he's swallowing you, spring out like a crazy daisy bursting from the snow on an early spring day and choke him. This will work especially well if you punch his throat and thrash about like you're being attacked by angry bees. Eventually he may cough you up and decide you're not worth eating after all. Or he may just get a glass of water and wash you down, in which case proceed to the next step.

Should that not work and he manages to swallow you anyway, there is but one last thing you can do. Pray to Pandoria that someone will walk your pets and iron those socks you were neglecting and hope that you give the belragoth indigestion. That way when he's writhing in pain from heartburn and acid reflux, he'll remember you. Your face will haunt him in his nightmares and there isn't an antacid strong enough to undo the firey vengeance you have brought upon him and he'll know! He'll know...

The biggest way to avoid being eaten by a belragoth is also the easiest, however: Stay the heck away from the mountains and run like a looney for the hills if you ever come across unattended treasure. You never know who might be guarding it!

Comments

Written By Jill

Awesome stuff. :)

Written By Claws

Amazingly written!

Written By Silcoonsixx

Haha, nice!

Written By Leptonyx

Gee, now I really want to go hiking this weekend!

Written By Rose

I loved this!

Written By Xeiana

That is hilarious and cute XD

Written By blackfoxette

Very cute I like the looney, and running for the hills part the most!

Written By LunarSong

Awesome. Great advice!

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