Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 58
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

Ken Kratork Exclusive Whacking Day Interview
Written By Cas

Hello Mistica! Ken Kratork here, bringing you another piece transforming my intoxicating voice into the written word. Today, I’ll be interviewing Rordon Village’s very own Daedal, owner of the Knotty Nook shop (and also misser-out-on a more creative spelling for his store name) and cousin to many of the Znakes being whacked over the head during one of Mistica’s liveliest festivals. So, Dae – can I call you Dae? Too bad, I will. Dae, how are you doing today?

Dae: Oh, erm, wonderful, Ken, tha-

Ken: Not as wonderful as me, I assure you, but that’s good to hear. So, how is your business faring this whacking season?

D: Great, actually! This time of year I usually put out some new merchandise and get a word out in the news, so I usually get a big crowd of customers.

K: Do you make any coin selling bags of ice to your whacked cousins?

D: No…. Znakes are cold-blooded, Ken. Ice would probably put them in a coma.

K: They’re not the only cold thing in this room, Dae. Do you need some warmin’ up from the Ken-man?

D: No… no I’m okay. Uh, do you have any more questions for me?

K: Oh, yes. So, how do you feel about your Znake cousins being whacked straight in the noggin? Does it make your heart fill up with feelings, Dae?


D: No, not really. You see, Znakes have evolved a very thick skull, so there’s usually no lasting damage when they get whacked in the head.

K: Oh. So there’s no real violence going on during the whack-tastical celebrations?

D: Uh, I’m pretty sure hitting living creatures in the head still counts as violence, no matter how much lasting harm it does them. Every now and then, someone with a real arm on them will do some real damage, though.

K: Oh, that sounds exciting! Is there blood?

D: Of course? That’s not exactly a good thing, though. Luckily, I usually have a fully stocked first-aid kit behind the counter, so I can take care of any unfortunate injuries that come my way.

K: Mm, I see. And what about the boring instances where a whacked Znake just comes out dazed?

D: Oh, well if they aren’t captured by the Mistican who whacked them, I usually set them up in a nice comfy pillow until they come to, and just usually give them a hot cup of tea and let them slither it off. Heh. Get it? Because Znakes don’t-

K: Yes, we do, and it wasn’t funny. I’m the funny man around here, Dae. But it’s okay, we can’t all be as fabulous as me.

D: Mm yes, fabulous…. So, do you have any other questions for me today, Ken?

K: Oh yes, one more. Famed director Mandoran Bay has been working on a new Znake-whacking themed film, but much more exciting and with 500% more explosions than the real thing is, and it’s been rumored that you would be cast as the lead next to Megan Braenon. When you accept the role – because you would be an idiot not to – can you give me Megan’s number?

D: …Please leave my store.

And there you have it, folks. Apparently, whacking day is about 99% more boring than I had originally hoped it would be, but don’t worry, baby, Ken-man’s got a solution to Dae’s boring old Znakes. If any of you readers are interested in some real Znake-whackin’ fun, how about you all go to the open casting call for Mandoran Bay’s new movie? And, if any of you could get me Megan’s number that would be great.

But until then, Mistica, that is all. You stay classy.

And Megan, baby, the Ken man’s comin for ya.

Comments

Written By Red

I love Ken Kratork's character so much XD

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