Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 53
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

Mysteries of the Clockroach
Written By Fallout

Have you ever wondered about the humble little Misticpal that scurries about, telling time to all who forgot to put on their watches this morning? How did these creatures come to being? What are they like behind closed doors? What do they eat?

The first Clockroach was created by an enterprising mad scientist by the name of Dr. Irwin M. Eval who got the idea for a time-predicting cyborg insect when he realized he could make it into a funny pun. Combining several Mistigascar hissing roachie bugs with science, he made an entirely new creature that was more machine than insect, a creature that has been both lambasted with criticism and hailed as a step forward in time telling technology.

Each Clockroach comes equipped with a holographic projector that displays the time in response to a light tapping of its back and a basic alarm function. More recent models also come equipped with a built in radio so you can listen to your favorite death metal station when you wake up in the morning, and a new standard feature that allows them to produce a small electrical charge, useful for those who sleep through their alarms or otherwise have a hard time waking in the mornings. This charge is also sometimes used as a deterrent towards those who tap their backs too hard. As they are living creatures they still need to eat, but rather than feasting on garbage and decay like their organic counterparts, they prefer to munch on excess bandwidth from the nearest Internet connection.

Critics frequently cite the roaches' rapidly evolving A.I. programs as a cause for concern and claim that though the electrical charge is only strong enough to provide the user with a startling shock, enough Clockroaches together can produce a powerful enough current to drop a grown Comeil dead. Many detractors also point to the roaches' bandwidth diet as the cause of Internet blackouts and slowing connections in areas where they are best sellers. In response to the criticism, Dr. Eval reassured consumers by claiming that there's no way the roaches would ever become sentient and band together to overthrow all mankind and that the bandwidth over-consumption is merely a production oversight rather than a diabolical conspiracy meant to annoy. He also points out that the electrical current would probably only be strong enough to paralyze rather than kill anyway.

Regardless of all the criticism, Clockroaches remain an ever-popular alternative to boring clocks that aren't alive. Should the day come where they become too smart and take over the world, then I for one welcome our Clockroach Overlords, and you should too because they might shock you if you don't.

Comments

Written By Paintbrush

Silcoonsixx did a very good job ;)

Written By Silcoonsixx

Awesome. <3

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