Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 43
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

How to Survive Infestation
Written By Fallout

Ah, love is in the air! Sales of candy, flowers, heart-themed novelty items, and cards increase tenfold, giving Maury more packages to lose than ever before! Dentists rejoice as pets devour chocolate like the cocoa plant is going extinct. Arielle finds herself having to come up with more and more creative ways to tell Makoto she's not interested. Yet you find yourself saying, “So what?” Maybe you're tired of heart-shaped cootie and lovebug bite marks all over your arms and legs. Perhaps you have a heart blacker than Queen Boreal's soul and the holiday causes you to cower in your home until all of the pink blows over. No matter! Here are some helpful tips to get the grumpiest of grumps through the holiday.

1. Be prepared for the annual Infestation ahead of time. Make sure you and your pets are vaccinated against cooties and stock up on lovebug spray before it's too late. Once the swarms descend upon the townspeople there will be a mass panic to gain these items. Lovebug spray will be sold out of most stores and clinics will be overrun with people and their pets getting cootie shots. If you can't get a hold of these items in time, it would be a good opportunity to take advantage of all the candy sales to stock up on an insta-cure for you and your pets.

2. Infestation-proof your house. Obviously the world isn't going to end because a few Coodles are scurrying around on your porch, but what if they were to get inside the house? Treat Infestation like Apocalyptic pets are storming down the street in a frenzied mob. Seal up all the windows with plastic sheets and stuff rags under any doors that have a large enough crack underneath for something to get in. Your house should contain enough food to get you and your pets through the season and should also contain an emergency bite kit. This kit should contain one can of lovebug spray, one portable cootie shot (you can get them by request at most clinics offering vaccinations), one bar of chocolate, a fly swatter, and a box of bandages, preferably the ones with glow-in-the-dark dinosaurs on them. Dinosaurs are cool.

3. Wear a disguise. Cooties and lovebugs are notoriously stupid. They don't bite other cooties or lovebugs, so the best way to avoid being bitten is to become a cootie or lovebug. Make a disguise that looks like them. Even if you're standing in the middle of a swarm in a Fluttaluv costume that is really just an old Frodrinn beanbag with a hole cut into it so you can squeeze inside, they'll think you're one of them. You might even get invited to one of their elusive Infestation parties that the other Misticans are raving about.

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