Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 42
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

Ask the Moone: December Edition
Written By Moon

Life often hands us lemons. Have you ever bit into a lemon? Your eyes water, your mouth puckers; it’s generally unpleasant. There are a few out there who love a sour punch in face but there are also a few who will find a way to make lemonade. Meet Mistic's own lemonade-maker, or as she is better known, “The Answer Braenon.”

Is your bank account in a sad state? Has your love life flatlined? Has your mildly addled mother-in-law pushed herself into your household? The object of your obsession doesn't know you exist? Just ask the Moone for a fresh perspective.

~*~*~*~

Dear Moone,
My children have terrible manners! I would love to take them out to eat at Keilly's Cafe but they can't sit still, are loud and blow bubbles with their chocolate milk and throw things. It's like they have no manners whatsoever and it embarrasses me! Help!
Signed
A Hassled Mom of 6

Dear Mom of 6,
Short of muzzles and a big stick? I suggest taking them to kid-friendly restaurants and then relax -- blow bubbles with them. Bond over a french fry war. As long as they aren't starting fires or hurting anyone then let them be children. My Na-na did and look how well I turned out.
Sincerely, Moone
~~~~~
Dear Moone,

Help, there is a girl who broke my heart and I can't forget her. Everything reminds me of her, I think that I must be going crazy. She's so perfect and I'm just a Mandoran with a broken heart.
Signed
Manly Mandoran

Dear Manly,
Record her eating spaghetti. Then zoom in on her lips, and enhance the audio and slow it down to a third the normal speed. You will find that your lady love is one of the most repugnant creatures alive. Infatuation cannot survive the slurping, slow motion, lip smacking, B-rated horror flick that is eating spaghetti.
Sincerely, Moone
~~~~~~
Dear Moone,
I found out that my best friend is a liar. We met online and quickly became friends. She said she was a single Overgrowth Stignightus with a cute little stump in the woods. I just found out that she is a he and that he's not even a Stig, he's a Nokwi!!! I feel so betrayed!
Help!
Signed
Snookered


Dear Snookered,
It seems to be a rising problem. There are few who will tell you to just forget that your friend is a waddling, flightless, fat boy bird and go back to thinking that they are an elegant girl stig.

My suggestion though? It might not be a bad idea to change your number and address and name, maybe even your species because that just too creepy -- even for me. I suppose anyone can be anything when all you can see are their words. I strongly suggest that in the future you keep your personal information to yourself though, you never know when a Daydream Lirionox online is going to turn out to be an Apocalyptic Ahbruis in person.
Sincerely, Moone
~~~~~
Dear Moone,
I live in the Blizzard Realm but every day I dream of the sun. I long for sandy beaches and tiki torches. I want palm trees not snowflakes. Nobody understands me though, all my friends say,“You'll melt stupid!” I guess I forgot to mention I'm a snowman, huh? What can I do?
Signed
Refrig R. Rator

Dear Refridg,
… Get a life insurance policy from Makoto and go live your dream. Nice knowing you!
Sincerely, Moone

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