Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 38
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

Conspiracy Theories of Mistica
Written By puredream

Have some things in Mistica just never sat right with you? Perhaps it’s a suspicious character, or a group of pets who just look at you funny – maybe even a place that appears as if there is something sinister around the corner. Well fear not, dear Mistican! You no longer have to wonder if your fears are warranted. After doing extensive research, our people have stepped up to reveal the truth.

For this edition, we probed deep into the evil masterminds within Mistica. We went even deeper into their mind’s eye – into greater masterminds than Boreal, Mephitic, and Aurelius. The age old desire of any decent dictator is to take over the world. The question is how do we tell exactly who these potential dictators are?

Here are the three top candidates for potential evil rulers:

1. Ben Baggz
Yep, his name says it all. You can just tell that it isn’t his real name. I mean, what kind of name is Ben? After extensive research, it was concluded that his real name is Gregory. But then why did he change it? Well, the answer is clear: he is a dictator.

Don’t just take our word for it, though. Think about the facts:
- He has his own quests to beat down some “oppressor” by growing his “power.” Who exactly is his oppressor? He doesn’t have to worry about competition after all. Baggz owns the entire beanbag industry, save for a few that show up in Tribal Trades. It must be a ploy to garner sympathy.
- If you fail one of his quests, then you are instantly guilt tripped with the words, “I thought you loved me!” This is another trick to make him appear innocent and make you want to please him.
- Finally, our best scientists have done dozens of tests on his beanbags and all the results are the same. He has soaked the fabric in a special lovebug’s venom. This venom is known to weaken the brain and create mindlessness. Yes, that is right! He is making zombies out of all of us so that he can continually sell us more stuff and take over Mistica.

When asked the comment, this was all the shopkeeper had to say, “What? I don’t understand. I thought we were all friends.” And then something else followed by tears. Still up to your games, Ben?

2. Lance, Kyro, and Teshia
It may seem a little weird that three people plan to rule the world together, but there is logic behind it. No one expects three people behind the takeover of Mistica. How they plan to do this is a little bit sketchy, but there is no doubt that they want to. Consider:
- Have you ever noticed that there are three inferno shopkeepers, but not a single oceanic one? Well, the answer is simple: Conspiracy! The Inferno Shopkeepers League of Evilness or “ISLE” is beating down any oceanic pet that tries to start a shop. An anonymous source claims, “I tried to start up a shop called ‘Bubblies’ which sold bath items, but one night my store was scorched to the ground. They even charred Mr. Ducky. Days later a strange Inferno Gourix told me that if I was smart I wouldn’t collect the insurance and try again.”
But why exactly is that?
- After looking into it, we only have one explanation for this. The Inferno Shopkeepers own a share in every business and any Oceanic Businesses will not share profits with an inferno business owner so they must be dealt with before they can gain any real profit.
- Even more sinister is the photos shown below. These are just testimonies to how they are wasting resources and selling the ones that can be found at Inferno Terrain for high profits.

*Sorry, these pictures are too badly burned to see anything from*

3. Lissa
 It’s the quiet ones you have to look out for! Here are some good reasons you should not patronize Lissa’s bookstore:
- “Shhh! I’m trying to read! Besides some of these books have sensitive ears.”
Ok, let’s analyze this. She is always trying to shush her buyers up. Sure she is doing it “politely” here, but who says she isn’t doing it in other ways? After all her books have sensitive ears, so perhaps she just has to whisper something unpleasant to them and bam! You have lost a finger or some other non-important body part.
- The books she sells have been shown to lead to a high level of violence. With titles such as “The Beast” and “Butterfly of Evil” it is no wonder pets between the ages of 5-15 are coming to school and fighting with their classmates over petty things like “not sharing” and “wearing the same outfit.” No one fights because they’ve read Flying Through the Clouds.

When asked for a comment, Lissa only shooed us away muttering, “Come back later! I am in the middle of a really good book.”

Please note, we only present the facts as they are. You can believe them or not, but don’t say we didn’t warn you!

~We Know Nothing Party

Comments

Written By Villainess

Still one of the silliest things I wrote, that I actually like!

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