Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 3
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

Transcript from the Restricted Archives of the Mistica Chronicles Database
Written By Dishonor

Note: The following transcript is taken from an unaired program of the daily Mistica news. You may or may not know, but the updates posted on the “Site News” are all courtesy of a clandestine news operation that is just now coming out publicly, calling itself the Daily Mistica News. This particular reporting session has been shelved due to its sensitive and possibly scandalous content. Our intrepid Archive digger, Dishonor, has unearthed this revelatory document at great personal danger. If she disappears off the face of Mistica, there will be two possibilities: Either her (inflated) head has finally exploded from all the ego-trips she indulges in, or the…authorities are staking out their retribution.

Lushius Flynn: Why good evening there everyone! I, Lushius Flynn, your resident beautiful daydream sprite journalist at the Daily Mistica News, am here in Darkwood Hollow! Isn't that brave of me? Get a good shot of my hairdo for tonight, cameraman. Isn't it wonderful? Make sure the lighting makes it shine!

This program, I will be reporting on the lovely secrets hidden in the secret notches of Darkwood Hollow. In our previous programs, we've shown you the gorgeous section of the forest that belongs to us sprites. For those who are watching this show for the first time, let it suffice to say that the term “rainbow paradise” doesn't do it justice! Tonight, we'll be taking a real risk and wandering into the central area of the forest—the part where our super stylish Pandoria makes her home.

Cameraman: Because of certain inherent risks attached to us sprites wandering around in disputed territory (those nasty imps are waging a war on us, don't 'cha know?), we can't show this segment to you viewers live, and we can't guarantee nothing out of the ordinary will happen, but it'll sure be exciting!

Lushius Flynn: Stop taking up the camera! Anyhow (flashes a dazzling smile), let me introduce you to the beautiful misty hollow tree where Pandoria lives. The front is veiled with a lovely coating of moss, so of course, we can't snoop, but ever since a bucket of water dropped on the lady from above this door, she hasn't been seen, so we can't even say she's in residence. Isn't that such a pity?

Cameraman: Yes ma'am!

Lushius Flynn: Now, let us explore the crevices and all the hidden treasures here. (kneels and picks up a leaf to uncover some poisonous mushrooms) Just look at that! Aren't they absolutely delicious looking? It seems almost a pity to eat them, but I shall be brave! (plucks a mushroom)

Cameraman: (Looks behind Lushius Flynn) Erm…ma'am?

Lushius Flynn: (irritably) What is it cameraman? Do you want me to prolong the suspense before I eat this or something? Or do you want to get another shot of me swishing my gorgeous hair? (Makes a show of contemplating the mushroom)

Cameraman: (quavering) B…be…behind you ma'am. S…some…someone.

Lushius Flynn: (whirls around) Why hello s…(net falls on her) AHHH!

Imp Who Has Kidnapped Flynn: Why hello to you too, little sprite. (leers)

Cameraman: (muttering) This has got to be a stunt. The producer had to have planned this. This is not possible. Just not possible.

Lushius Flynn: (screaming) Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Stop standing there cameraman! Help me! Defeat the horrible bully imp!

Cameraman: Never fear ma'am, I'll rescue you! (leaps forward)

(Net falls upon him)

Imp Who Has Kidnapped Flynn and Cameraman: Sprites. (Shakes head sadly) Drama queens.

Lushius Flynn: Why are you doing this to us? We're just some poor sprites passing through! Pandoria will pummel you for abusing us in her territory! Just you wait!

Imp Who Has Kidnapped Flynn and Cameraman: Didn't I hear you say a few minutes ago that this was a war zone? (leers some more)

Lushius Flynn: Oh you evil villain! You've been spying on us too! (faints in outrage)

Cameraman: Ma'am? Ma'am, are you all right?

(No response from Lushius Flynn)

Imp Who Has Kidnapped Flynn and Cameraman: At least she's shut up now. (whistles) Come on fellow imps! Let's lug these two idiots home!

(Imps appear from all the surrounding trees)

Cameraman: (hopefully) Home? As in Spriteland?

All Imps: (in unison) Wow. Sprites are THIS stupid? No you twit. Home, as in Imphollow, with beetle bugs and rotting leaves, with festering poisons seeping through the earth itself, yup. That good stuff.

Cameraman: You've got to be automated. It just isn't possible for about ten imps to say the same few sentences exactly together. It just isn't. (Passes out)

(Imps start dragging the nets holding Flynn and Cameraman Away)

Lushius Flynn: (Recovers consciousness) Wh…what? Oh my gosh! Help! Someone save us! HELP!

(Imps all shake head in mock pity)


If you managed to read through this tragic transcript without weeping considerably for those poor unfortunate prisoners, you are a hardhearted, cruel, vicious imp. Everyone else, we must make an effort to rescue our dear Lushius and her cameraman. We will be setting up a ransom fund. Send all contributions to Dishonor. May we be reunited with our Daily Mistica News friends soon!

PLEASE STOP RIGHT HERE. Misticpets does not condone cheating, scamming, and/or pharming for donations. Dishonor will be severely chastised for her illicit scamming attempt. Thank you everyone, and have a nice day.

Comments

This article does not have any comments.

Go Back to Articles

Go Back To Issue Overview