Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 20
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

Top 7 Worst Clothing Items
Written By Caustic

We've all visited the dashing Lance before; he owns Flashy Fashion and seems to know what it takes to look good! While he himself never disappoints in a well fitting suit and perfectly styled golden tresses, a closer look at his products has this Mistican scratching her head. Some things in there are just plain silly, and here are the top seven!

1. Hat of Fools
Part of me just wants to leave this blank, because really, do I have to explain why this is ridiculous? The name aside (which should be enough to deter any decently dressed Mistican), only a true fool would wear this hat! The bright colors would easily clash with most outfits and put me in mind of a child's preschool scribbles; the very shape adds a foot or so of height and puts you off balance, and those awful bells flap in your face and annoy everyone around with their clanging! If you wear this in public, please be prepared for Officer Coppa to take you into custody just to spare passerby's eyesight.

2. Smiley Tie
Nothing parades the fact that you're happy and you know it than plastering smiling faces onto your clothing, right? Oh so wrong, so very wrong; you just look plain silly. Clashing patterns are inevitable -- those bright circles could burn out eyeballs at five hundred yards -- and it's pretty creepy to see only half of the faces near the edges. I recommend settling for a smile on your actual face.

3. Spiked Collar
Collars are for your pets, my dear Misticans, not for you! Since you don't eat out of a bowl on the floor -- at least I hope you don't -- or require to be let outside to do your business, you have no reason to dress like an animal. The spikes don't look tough, they just look like it makes it painful to nod your head, and the dangly bone makes me want to check to see where you live. However, this collar could come in handy in a fight -- just toss it like a discus!

4. Tentacle Hat
I'm going to assume that you enjoy swimming and scaring the living daylights out of people because they think you're a Daraa Jelly if you wear this hat, because there's no other excuse. While I do agree that the bulbous shape and large proportions make it ideal for hiding snacks from greedy, hungry friends, a handbag with a zipper could accomplish the same thing and you wouldn't look stupid carrying it. If you see someone wearing this hat, please do them a favor and tie the tentacles tightly around their neck and put them out of everyone's misery.

5. Volcan Pants
Who knew the great fiery dragon was a fashionista? No one, because these pants are one of the worst out there! Are those tentacles dangling from the pockets (oh no, Volcan was inspired by the Tentacle Hat!) or just rubbery versions of Vulcan's whiskers? Is the fur at the bottom meant to double as a broom to clean your floors with as you walk? No matter what the answers to these questions are, these pants are better left stashed in your safebox or buried forever in the Itzair Ruins.

6. Chicky Hats (all)
Ever wondered what you'd look like with a decapitated animal on your head? Put on one of these silly hats and find out! Honestly, is it only me who finds the fact that a full face is staring back at me, perched atop someone else's head, extremely disturbing? The eyes are glassy and dull and the beak flaps open in the breeze and...and...oh my goodness, Pandoria save me!

7. Eledon Slippers
While encasing your feet in soft, pillowy goodness is surely a noble cause, these slippers are not the way to do it! They are enormous, which makes your feet look enormous, which in turn makes your legs look like short stumps -- not cute. And who wants to shuffle around with those fake plush claws getting in the way? Pass these up for a pair that won't make it look like you stole the feet off an eledon's corpse.

And those are the top seven worst things that our dear Lance has on his shelves. I suppose even the best of us make mistakes, though I expected better of him!

Comments

Written By Silcoonsixx

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this (even though have a pair of Volcan Pants, and like 'em) xD

Go Back to Articles

Go Back To Issue Overview